Maranatha Blog - You Don't Complete Me: Is there any hope for a broken marriage?

Clare:  
One of the saddest commentaries in our present church culture is the failure of marriage relationships. The latest statistics by George Barma seem to indicate that the divorce rate in the church is almost identical to those who do not have a relationship with the church. I speak as one who personally experienced this. The restoration of that relationship was a miracle beyond anything that I could have conceived of when my wife left me October 6th in 2008.

Ruth:
After 7 years of trying desperately to survive an upside down marriage I came to the place where I felt that the only thing more unthinkable than leaving the marriage was staying. The effects of lost hope and pretending that everything was all right had exhausted me. In the 3 years that followed me leaving, I drew closer to God than I had ever experienced up until that point. After I finally said I can’t do this any more, God stepped in and seemed to say, Great, now I can.

I know that God was gently healing my heart as I spent intimate time with Him, but there was this debate that seemed to twirl in my head even after I left. I liked being single, but I hated being single. I asked a friend one day, “How do I as woman know whether this longing to be taken care of, is part of the curse that Jesus died for or whether it is how God made us? I was directed to Gen 3:16 and there it was clear as day, it was part of the curse. 

“To the woman he said, I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband,and he will rule over you."

Clare:
The problem I believe goes back to a lack of understanding of how it was the book of beginnings, Genesis. Women were created to walk alongside and be a helpmate with their male counterparts. Obviously there physical make up was different and their emotional makeup was different as well. Yet from the beginning women were the counterpart that the male was to the image of God.

Most importantly when man and woman lived together in the garden they BOTH had the same intimate relationship with their creator. Without shame or guilt they communed daily with God. 

Ruth:
There was no “need based” love, only freedom to love. Both Adam and Eve had a strength of identity which allowed them to love and serve each other from the freedom not to. With confidence and with new understanding, Clare has made the comment that he doesn't need me which doesn't sound very romantic, however it is incredibly freeing. This goes against Hollywood culture, which in contrast leans on comments like Tom Cruise’s famous line in the movie “Jerry McGuire” when he said “You complete me”. Are we not complete in Christ?

...he said “You complete me”. Are we not complete in Christ?

Clare:
It was only after sin entered the human race that we find God speaking in Genesis chapter 3 verse 16b. To the woman he said “ and your desire shall be to thy husband and he shall rule over thee “. The word rule in that verse means “ to have dominion over and have the power over “. This was a part of expression of what the curse would mean for woman. Simply interpreted it would mean that “ women would want someone to take care of them, they would to be provided for “.

Ruth:
Because of this curse, we woman have a love/hate relationship with the whole idea of Cinderella for instance. We want to be swept off our feet, but we also hate it when decisions are being made for us. Wanting to be taken care of is an unhealthy reliance which puts unbelievable pressure on our husbands. A healthy reliance is the one where we trust God to take care of us.

Clare:
The purpose of Jesus coming was to restore his creation back to the original order, men and women that were both passionately in love with Abba Father. That this relationship that they both experienced would be the basis of something new and it would be return to the way God had originally intended for it to be.

Out of this relationship with Abba Father a man’s primary responsibility to his wife is love her as Christ loved the church and to give himself for her. The woman’s responsibility is to honour her husband. When either man or woman fails to live up to their responsibility then the grace of God would be present to love our wives and for women to respect their husbands and his extended grace would best enable the Holy Spirit to work the change in each other’s lives.